thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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