I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
