K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
ttyl tear gas
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
