Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
