Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize