i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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