is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
