i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
