on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
