just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
