I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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