dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
