PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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