the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
