Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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