hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
