Don't you send me to vm
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
