you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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