I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
soo... how was my night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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