That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
