dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
