another moral hangover. fuck.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
