I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
