In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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