no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize