There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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