Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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