oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
