The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
