Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
