rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize