I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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