dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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