this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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