Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
