And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
