How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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