At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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