BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
