And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
