It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
