there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
