and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
