I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize