is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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