so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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