Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
