i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize