youre lurking in front of me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize