"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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