i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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