i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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