I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she looked like the before picture.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
