we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
