we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Found your dick twin last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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