some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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