i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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