How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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