I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
