You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
