I'm really into asian looking animals
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize