shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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