If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
