just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
