I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
