the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
