Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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