I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
