I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Me too!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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