Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize