Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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