Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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