We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
